The Most Spectacular Gate of Paradise

The audience will appreciate the trials of their own parents and learn how to use a specific verse in their everyday lives.

If you tell people what you want them to hear, they will hear it. Try this: “If you remember just one thing as you leave here today, let it be this . . . ”

Khutbah tul Haajah

Al-hamdu Lillaahi nahmaduhu wa nasta’eenahu wa nastaghfiruhu

wa na’oodhu billaahi min shuroori anfusinaa wa min sayi’aati a’maalinaa

Man yahdih Illaahu falaa mudilla lahu wa man yudlil falaa haadiya lahu

Wa ashhadu an laa ilaaha ill-Allah wahdahu la sharika lahu

wa ashhadu anna Muhammadan ‘abduhu wa rasooluhu

Ya ayyuha allatheena amanoo ittaqoo Allaha waqooloo qawlan sadeedan

Yuslih Lakum A’malukum wa yaghfir lakum dhunubakum wa mayin yuti illaha wa rasulahu faqad faza fauzan adheema.

Amma ba’ad.

Fainna khairal hadeethi kitabullah, wa khairal hadi, hadi Muhammad (saw), wa sharrul umur muhdathatuha, wa kullu bida’atin dalaala, wa kullu dalalatin finnar

The Eye of the Storm

Yusuf was just like any other 16 year old. He was from a large well-known Muslim family. His parents were doing their best to give their children a balanced lifestyle. His father worked hard and his mother struggled, just like all of us. At the masjid he played basketball with the best kids and had an outstanding three-point shot.

Can imagine the shock of our community when we got the email about Yusuf’s janazah the next day? Yusuf died.

Yusuf died? Yusuf died?

It took a while to sink in. It wasn’t just the suddenness of his death at the heart-wrenching age of 16, as if that wasn’t shocking enough, the cause was worse—Yusuf had overdosed on heroin.

No single calamity on this earth is more devastating than the loss of one’s child. It is every parent’s worst nightmare. It is a test so severe that the parent who lives through it is never the same.

Over the next few days and weeks, we peeled back the layers of Yusuf’s life. It was the story of an average kid who made a few bad decisions. When Yusuf was in middle school, he got mixed up in the wrong crowd and had begun to do the things that his parents never had imagined him doing. Eventually, his parents discovered that he had a drug problem, and they were smart enough to know they couldn’t deal with it on their own. They sent him through an inpatient clinical rehab program, followed by counseling. Everything seemed fine. But one final bad decision on a random night had devastating consequences. Yusuf relapsed, and with one dose of bad heroin, he died all alone in his room.

This is not the story of a bad kid from a bad family in a bad neighborhood. It is the story of a middle-class Muslim-American family—of a loving mother and a father with a good job. We live in a culture where a couple of mistakes can cost a kid his life.

Drugs are a major storm on the horizon. But so is pornography. And what about domestic violence and the high divorce rate? SubhanAllah, look around! We are raising our children in the middle of a hurricane.

Is it harder to be a parent today than when you were a child?

It’s rough for any youth today, and you don’t want to know what happens in the hallways of their schools. It’s possible to live another life online, and connect to dangerous people there. Kids are questioning their gender, and divorcing their parents. So isn’t it harder to be a parent now? You may be nodding, but, in the 1940s, ‘50s, and ‘60s, your parents were worried because society was changing: Suddenly parents were dealing with rock ‘n’ roll music, Elvis Presley, dancing and drugs, questionable content on TV and movies, and wave upon wave of liberal social change. Even the economy then was more turbulent. They lived through colonization, depression, poverty, WW2, partition…

Parenthood was difficult then. Parenting was difficult during the Renaissance. It was difficult during the time of the Prophet (S). Parenthood has always been tough. And it will be challenging for your children, too.

As someone’s child yourself, the first part of the khutbah is for you. Today’s message is NOT about you becoming a better parent—it is about you becoming a better child.

But if you have children (or plan to reproduce at some point) pay close attention to second part of the khutbah. That message is not about your children—it’s about your children becoming better parents because of you!

Dear Children:

My favorite aya is verse 24 of Surah al-Israa: Rubbirr hum humma kamaa rub biy yanne sagheerah. “My Lord, have Mercy on my parents just as they had mercy on me when I was small.” Let me illustrate this verse for you.

The Red-Eye Flight

I was on a red-eye flight, already delayed due to icy weather, Chicago to Houston. Can you see the pack of zombies being loaded onto the plane at 2:00 AM, all hoping to sleep all the way home? A woman with a baby sat a few rows in front of me, and as soon as we took off, that baby started crying. And Allah had blessed that tiny creature with a set of opera lungs, because its cry was so loud it echoed off the walls and split our skulls. The passengers were furious, and they gave her dirty looks, and complained to the airline attendant. Even the pilots closed the cockpit door so they could get some sleep. I watched the mom struggle to get it quiet, or eat or drink, or take its pacifier…but only after she picked it up and walk around, did the child get quiet. For the next 3 1/2 hours, she walked back and forth, holding the child.

Rubbirr hum humma kamaa rub biy yanne sagheerah

“My Lord, have Mercy on my parents just as they had mercy on me when I was small.”

Its a Crow

An 80-year-old man who was sitting on the sofa in his house with his highly educated son. Suddenly a crow perched on their window sill. The father asked his son, “Hey, what’s that?” The son replied, “It is a crow.” After a few minutes, the father asked his son again, “What is that?” The son said “Father, I just told you: It’s a crow.” After a little while, the old father again asked his son the a third time, “What is this?”

The son said, with some irritation, “It’s a crow, a crow.” A moment passed, and the father asked, “Hey, what’s that?”

“Why do you keep asking me the same question again and again?” The son shouted at his father. “I have told you so many times: It’s a stupid crow! Can’t you understand that?”

The father went to his room and came back with an old tattered diary, which he had maintained since his son was born. He flipped through it, handed it to his son, and asked him to read a page: “Today my little son, aged three, was sitting with me on the sofa, when a crow landed on the window. My son asked me 23 times what it was. Each time, I hugged him, kissed his head, and said, ‘It’s a crow.’”

Rubbirr hum humma kamaa rub biy yanne sagheerah

“My Lord, have Mercy on my parents just as they had mercy on me when I was small.”

Parent Abuse

An episode from the Montell Williams show was called “Violent children, Families in crisis.” One girl was screaming horrific obscenities at her older mother, and then she pushed her over the chair. Another girl kept running away from home. One teen was reunited with his parents on the show after having been gone for several years. He had not even called once. That’s called parent abuse.

Researchers for the Parent Abuse Project say that it usually begins with verbal abuse.

Allah defined verbal abuse in [Surah al-Israa:23] [1]: “Don’t even say uff.” Uff is just two letters. It’s a sound, not even a word in Arabic. You can’t say these letters without a tiny bit of air coming out of your lips. That breath in front of your parents is a catastrophic sin.

Major Sins

We have all heard the “Disobedience to Parents” [2] lecture , probably from your parents themselves. But did you know that Parent Abuse is a sin that carries Double Jeopardy? The offender is punished for it in this life AND in the next [3].

In this life, the punishments for Parent Abuse include:

• Decrease in intellect
• Forgetfulness
• Living in a state of fear
• Loneliness
• Physical weakness
• Shortening that person’s life [4]

If a person is punished in this world for abusing their parents, then wouldn’t the opposite be true?

A man was walking along a beach and tripped on a piece of metal. He pulled it out of the sand and rubbed it clean. A genie appeared and granted him three wishes. Like all of us, the man knew exactly what he wanted: first, he asked for tremendous wealth. Then he asked for a long life. For his last wish, he wanted something tougher—real happiness. The genie then said that if the man made his parents happy, all three of his wishes would be granted.

You don’t need a magical lamp or a genie. If you make your parents smile, you will get success and wealth. If you make them proud of you then you will live a longer and a healthier life. If you make a few tiny sacrifices for your parents, then you will achieve a level of happiness in this life that few people ever get to. This is truly one of the most remarkable open secrets in life.

Rubbirr hum humma kamaa rub biy yanne sagheerah

“My Lord, have Mercy on my parents just as they had mercy on me when I was small.”

A cool ou koule hadha, astaghfirullahe wallkum, astaghfiruhu innahu wal-Ghafur rur-Raheem.

[sit]

Alhamdulillah, summa Alhamdulillah. Amma baadh.

Dear Parents

Do you know what it’s like to be in the eye of the hurricane? Storms are circling all around you, but in the eye of the hurricane, it’s very calm. It’s temporary.

Parenthood is such a short season. Don’t you realize that you’ve only got about ten years with your child? From age 5 to 15. It will be one of the fastest decades of your life. If you are there right now, it may not feel like anything is changing—but tomorrow, everything will be different.

Parenthood is a short season.

Many kids don’t survive the storm. For every Muslim child that stands in the 7th rakah of the Taraweeh prayer, one Muslim child is smoking weed, and another Muslim child is popping pills from a medicine cabinet. Alcoholism is a problem with our Muslim youth. Fornication is a problem with our Muslim youth. Incarceration is a problem with our Muslim youth.

But this is not the place for a Hurricane Survival Course. I’m not even going to give you the Top 5 Emergency Actions. Instead, I will give you two tools.

The first tool is a book. The best thing I’ve found so far, since children don’t come with instruction manuals, is a book called How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk, by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. It is easy to read, easy to use, and the results will blow your mind.

But if you have heard nothing else I’ve said today, focus for the next 18 seconds and put this message in your tool box:

Make duaa for your children.

A parent’s dua’a is stronger than a child’s will.

A parent’s dua’a is stronger than a child’s Qadr.

A parent’s dua’a is stronger than the mightiest hurricane.

In fact, a parent’s dua’a is the most powerful force on this planet.

The great things you have in this world—do you foolishly think you have them because of all the right things you have done? Are you so arrogant to believe that your success is because of your own effort? Are you so ignorant to think that your wealth is a direct result of your degree, your own job search, your own sweat?

No, by Allah. No way! It is because your parents closed their eyes, raised their hands, turned their heads to Allah, and the dua’a erupted from their heart: “Oh, Allah, let this child be successful.” And look at you today. Whatever you have—health, wealth, happiness—it is because of your parents’ dua’as.

Your child will go out of his way to hurt himself, but your dua’a is stronger than he is.

Shaytaan will try to hurt your child, but your dua’a is stronger than Shaytaan.

The world will conspire to hurt your child, but your dua’a is stronger than the world.

Your parent’s dua’a is the single most valuable asset you will ever have. What would you do without them? [5] You have been protected by a force-field which kept away poverty and emotional ruin, which kept you from destroying yourself.

Rubbirr hum humma kamaa rub biy yanne sagheerah

My Lord, have Mercy on my parents who gave me that force-field, who protected me with their duaa when I was small.

Your parents gave you food before they ate. They let you sleep before they slept. As you go through life, a thousand people will pull you down, maybe even your very own brothers and sisters. Your parents are the only people who sincerely want you to reach higher than they did. They say, “step on my shoulders, if that makes you taller.”

Rubbirr hum humma kamaa rub biy yanne sagheerah

My Lord, have Mercy on my parents just as they had mercy on me when I was small.

The Israa 24-7 Commitment

This is not a free khutbah. You’ve had a lot of those. Here’s my fee: I want a commitment from you.

This verse that I keep referring to is Verse 24 from Surah al Israa: Rubbirr hum humma kamaa rub biy yanne sagheerah. “My Lord, have Mercy on my parents just as they had mercy on me when I was small.”

I am asking you to start living this verse every single day. I call it the Israa:24×7 Commitment. Surah al Israa, Verse 24, 7 days a week.

What does the commitment look like? First, put this dua’a in your heart [6]. When this dua’a is in your heart, your mouth will use a better tone. This annual “Mothers Day” and once-a-year “Fathers Day” is a joke. The Israa:24×7 commitment makes every day Mothers Day. Every day is Fathers Day. When this dua’a is in your heart, your body wants to do good things for your parents [7].

The Middle Gate of Jannah

The Creator has made something very special for those who commit to an Israa 24×7 lifestyle. If you remember just one thing as you leave here today, let it be this: Allah has given your keys to get into Jannah to your parents. If your parents are still alive, you still have a chance. The path to the Gate is narrow and tough, because they will not be around for long, and they become insecure and stubborn in their older age. But do you know what is under their feet? Do you realize the size of your inheritance? Do you know what they can unlock for you?

Allah has made a special gate into Paradise for anyone who makes the Israa:24×7 Commitment. The Prophet (S) said, ‘The parents are the Middle Gate of Jannah. [8]” Your parents are the only ones who can unlock the Middle Gate of Paradise for you. This gate is the widest and most beautiful of all the gates. Moreover, it is the easiest gate to enter through, because we all have parents. We all have the same opportunity.

Ya Rubbi, let us be among those who enter from the Middle Gate of Jannah.

Oh Allah, help us to memorize this verse, to truly understand it, and apply it in our lives.

Ya Ar-Rahmaan, have Mercy on my parents!

Ya al-Azeez, make our parents strong!

Ya Hayyo Ya Qayyum, fill our parents with the light of Islam.

O Allah, help us teach our children the meaning of this verse.

Jannah is not so far away. O Allah, help our children find Jannah by serving their mothers.

O Allah, help us elevate our parents, so that our children see that and they will learn to elevate their own parents.

Oh Allah, help us build a bridge between our parents and our children.

Rubbirr hum humma kamaa rub biy yanne sagheerah

My Lord, have Mercy on my parents just as they had mercy on me when I was small.

Innal-lahu wa Malaaikatuhu yassaloona aln-Nabi

Yaa aiyuhal latheena aamanoo, salloo alaihy, wa sallimou tasleema

Allahumma Salli ‘Ala Muhammad, wa ‘Ala alee Muhammad,

Kama sallaita ‘Ala Ibrahima wa ‘ala alee Ibrahim

Fil ‘alameena innaka hamidun Majeed.

Ya Ar-Hammar raa Himeen, keep our families and all the Muslims away from the Hellfire.

Ya Ghafoor Ya Shakoor, help us to be grateful to you and to our parents.

Ya Razzak Ya Wadud, give us the means to make our parents happy.

Ya Malik Ya Salaam, make the trials of our parents easier in their old age.

Ya Dhul-Jalal wal-Ikraam, give us Jannah through our parents.

Ya Aqeemas salati yarhumukumullah.

The Israa:24×7 Commitment (Doing Good Things for Your Parents)

1. Create a bridge between your parents and your children. My grandfather lived with us for 12 years before he passed away, and it wasn’t out of necessity. My grandfather had a good life in Pakistan, but my dad was very concerned about my brother & me when we started high school. So Dad insisted that his father come live with us. My grandfather taught me how to write in cursive, how to tell a story, he taught me poetry, and he gave me a love of books and a love of hiking. In return, I got him addicted to Starbucks, and we would go together. When I got scolded by my parents, I would turn to him. He kept my secrets.
2. How much do you know about your own father or mother? Ask: How did you choose my name? How did your life change when I was born? Growing up, was a career that you thought I would be great at? What would you like the future generation to know about your parents? What kind of relationship advice did your parents give you? What scares you the most? Are you afraid of dying? What was one of your dreams that hasn’t come true? Do you have any regrets in life? How are we alike? How are we different?
3. Learn better communication techniques. Women express their thoughts out loud. Men start problem-solving right away. Women just want to talk, while men just want them to get to the point so that we can go back to our cave. Get How to Talk so Kids will Listen and How to Listen so Kids will Talk. Think about your parents getting older and losing parts of their minds. They will say and do some silly things. If you master some communication techniques now, you will be able to deal kindly with them, when they lose their own abilities to communicate.
4. The Prophet (S) said, “Order your children to pray when they are 7 years old.” Allow me to illustrate this. The Imam always brought his children to the masjid. They were wild (preachers’ kids…). But he always brought them, and everyone knew them. He would lead the salah while holding his baby. He would give the khutbahs with his children sitting all around the mimbar. One time, his 1.5-year-old son ascended the mimbar on his hands and knees, grabbed the microphone, switched it on, tapped it, blew into it to make sure that it was working, then started making noises and waving his arms.

When this child is 7 years old, do you think that he will need to be ordered to pray? Pray with your family.